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End of the year. Time to relax a little. Here are some fun definitions of common computer terms.

Log On: Making a wood stove hot.
Log Off: Too much wood on the fire.
Monitor: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Getting the firewood off the truck.

Megahertz: What you get when you are thrown off your horse.
Floppy Disk: What you get from carrying too much firewood.
RAM: That thing that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter time.

Windows: What to close during cold weather.
Screen: What to close during fly season.
Byte: What those flies do.
Modem: What you did to the lawn.

Chip: Munchies for watching the TV.
Micro Chip: What is in the bottom of the munchie bag.
Dot Matrix: Ole Dan Matrix’s wife.
Lap Top: Where the kitty sleeps.

Keyboard: Where you hang the truck keys.
Software: Them plastic forks and knives.
Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn.
Mouse Pad: That’s hippie talk for where the mouse lives.

Main Frame: Holds up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy flatlander wine.
Enter: Northerner talk for “C’Mon in y’all!”

Click: What you hear when you cock your gun.
Double Click: When you cock the double barrel.
Reboot: What you have to do after bed time to use the outhouse.

Technical trivia: In December 1972 the astronauts of Apollo 17 landed on the moon. This was the last time humans visited the moon.

Next issue: Computer Malware.

Now to relax some more with one of the world’s most renowned pianists.

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Backwoods Geek

Backwoods Geek wrote his first computer program in 1977. He started using desktop computers in 1982 to write training and job aids. These days his home includes routers, switches, computers, a home theater PC, a laptop, and bluetooth phones. His professional career includes instrumentation and controls, computers, industrial training, technical writing, and teaching computer classes. Pastimes include sitting on the front porch, observing wildlife, cutting firewood, reading, watching movies, and tinkering with computers. He is uncomfortable around morning people until afternoon, likes dry and off-the-wall humor, and usually tells jokes with a straight face. He is a believer in the old adage that, "No matter where you go, there you are."

Latest posts by Backwoods Geek (see all)

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